Writings on web design and higher education from Missoula, MT

I heard this joke today listening to the Boag World Podcast. (A great resource that you should really check out if you are involved in the web.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be in IT,” said the balloonist. “I am,” replied the woman,
“How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically
correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything,
you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.” “I am,” replied
the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people
beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

My mom sent this to me, and I thought I would pass it on for a good laugh. Better here than in a giant email forward, eh?

A national magazine recently ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top quotes for in corporate America:

1. “As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond
WA)

2. “What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. “E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.” (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

4. “This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.” (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel
Service)

5. “Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

6. “No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. “We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)